James Newton Howard Song Fics
by The Russian Who Shall Be
Summary: Song fics using the songs of the amazing composer James Newton Howard. The songs don't have words, so basically I'm using his titles to gain inspiration. Much randomness and crack pairing will be present! Rated T so I'm allowed to do stuff.
1. Finding Water

**A.N. – So, after reading lots of SP FanFiction, I realized that I REALLY wanted to do some of my own. This will be my first SP FanFiction, but not my first FanFiction, if that makes any sense. I was stuck for ideas, when all of a sudden this one came barreling into me. What if I do a song fic….WITH JAMES NEWTON HOWARD, THE BEST COMPOSER TO EVER LIVE! Yeah, yeah? That's right, a song fic about a song…with no words! Gasp, horrors! So I'll basically be taking all the songs that I have of him, (at least 800), and I'll look at the title and make a drabble/oneshot about it. Some of the titles have names in them, so I'll just substitute them out for a character's name. And when I get a song titled "Main Theme" or "End Titles" or something like that I'll consider it a wild card and write about whatever I want to! HAHAHAHA! My goal? To make more people aware of movie music, especially James Newton Howard's music. Okay, got all that down? Read on!**

**Title: Finding Water**

**Album: Disney's "Dinosaur" – Cheesy movie but AMAZING soundtrack.**

**Uploaded: 10/2/11**

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><p>Blaring sunlight made Valkyrie slowly become aware of her state of wakefulness. She opened her eyes, but shut them tightly after burning her retinas to a crisp. Lying in bed for a while, she recollected the past night's activities. Finding the most wanted criminal and taking him to the sanctuary, having a speed chase, going to – what was up with the sun? Valkyrie couldn't concentrate. If anything, the sun was getting brighter. She forced herself to open her eyes and keep them open. It hurt, but she managed. Stumbling out of bed, she made her way downstairs and into the kitchen. Groping through the cabinets, she found a box of something and poured it into a bowl. As she did this, she noticed a painful sensation in her throat. God, she'd never been this thirsty before.<p>

Forgetting all about pouring whatever it was into her bowl, she made her way quickly over to the fridge to get something to drink. When she opened it though, she cried out in disbelief. Every single thing containing liquid was now empty. Everything – milk, soda, juice. Even the water dispense was empty. Opening the freezer, she saw that all the ice was gone, the box was completely dry! Where was it all?

She slammed the door shut and ran through the house, trying all the faucets and showers, concluding that there were no liquids. Anywhere. Not even in the toilets. She paused for a second. A horrifying thought occurred to her. _What if_, she thought, _it never comes back! I'll die of thirst! I DON'T WANT TO DIE OF THIRST IN MY OWN HOME! OH GOD, HELP ME! I'M GONNA_ – then she remembered she had a water bottle next to her bed from last night. She and Skulduggery had been running for some time, and she stopped at a vending machine to get some water.

"No soda," Skulduggery had warned.

"Why not? All it will do will make me more awake than I am now."

"And hyper…" he had muttered under his breath. In the end she had gone with water, but had drank very little of it. Valkyrie remembered that she put it on the floor next to her bed, with most of the water still in it. She raced to her room, and lunged for the water bottle on the other side of the bed. She landed on the bed, bounced so hard she flipped forward and upside down, and landed on her back on the ground. Scrambling upright, she grabbed the water bottle and started chugging the wettest and most beautiful tasting water she had ever tasted. She was moaning with sheer delight, sticking her tongue in the water bottle as far in as it could go, convulsing with pleasure when she heard a cough.

"Pardon me if I'm interrupting anything," Skulduggery Pleasant said, leaning against the window sill with a smirk on his face. Valkyrie jumped and turned around, screaming. He took off his hat and dusted it off. "Got a fetish for empty water bottles or something?"

Valkyrie dumbly looked at the empty water bottle in her hand. It was completely dry, there never was any water in it. She had been so intoxicated with the hope of water that she didn't realize there wasn't any. Acting as if nothing happened, she bluntly said, "I have no water in this house. At all." Skulduggery cocked his head, as if thinking. "Yes, well, that is a problem," he mused, "but not as big as this one," he finished, slowly looking outside. Valkyrie went to the window. What she saw made her gasp. Everywhere things were dying. Flowers, trees, grass. There was a brighter sense to everything, and Valkyrie realized it was the sun. It _was_ brighter than usual. Looking up, she gasped, louder this time. The sun was ten times the normal size, filling up almost the entire sky. "What happened?" she asked, her voice a whisper.

"Magic. Lots and lots of magic." Skulduggery replied, shaking his head. "Someone found out a way to add their magic to the sun, making it enlarge without killing us all. The plants, though…" He gestured to all the dead vegetation, "weren't so lucky. I've asked Fletcher to go around the world and see if any water is left."

"Who would do such a thing?"

Skulduggery chuckled. "You'll never guess."

"Dusk?"

"No."

"Doctor Nye?"

"Nope."

"Wreath?"

"Nada."

"Eliza Scorn?"

"Not at all."

Valkyrie finally looked at Skulduggery and asked the answer. She almost started to laugh when she heard the answer. "And how did you find that out?" she said with disbelief.

"Well, my dear Valkyrie, I just used my deductive reasoning, it was quite simple," He replied, cool as ever. She rolled her eyes, then jumped as Fletcher suddenly appeared.

"There is no water at all on this side of the world," he panted, out of breath as if he had ran around the world instead of teleported, "and there's some on the other side, but the sun is so strong it's evacuating fast."

"You mean evaporating?" Valkyrie said, sighing.

"Sure, that too."

Valkyrie changed into her black suit and met Fletcher and Skulduggery downstairs. She grabbed first her coat, and then Fletcher. Suddenly with no warning at all, the room flashed away, changed with the view of a dark warehouse, and Vaurien Scapegrace sitting in the middle of it all.

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><p><strong>A.N. – Ooh! Cliffhanger! Though to be fair, the song is called "Finding Water" and not actually <strong>_**retrieving**_** the water. Tell me if you want me to continue this fic in another chapter, or if you want me to move on, already knowing what's going to happen (Scapegrace vs. Skulduggery and Valkyrie. I mean, come on, think about it!). Rate and review please, and I'll upload more chapters! Thanks for reading!**

**P.S. – Yes I know that the mood of this fic does not fit the mood of the actual song, so deal with it. It's gonna be like that for most of them….yeah. Once again, thanks for reading!**

**P.P.S. – You can talk shit about my story, heck, you can even talk shit about me, but if any of you say anything negative towards James Newton Howard, I will either block you or report you, possibly both. GOT IT? GOOD, SO DON'T DO IT! Have a nice day!**


	2. Fletcher's Challenge

**A.N. – Hey! So I'm gonna try to upload as much as possible, because I have a lot of songs! I really encourage you to check them all out! Oh, and I forgot from last chapter, I don't own anything, Derek Landy and James Newton Howard do! *Gasp* What if James Newton Howard scored the Skulduggery Pleasant movie? Ok, that's it! I'm writing to Derek Landy about this!**

**Title: Nelson's Challenge – I changed it to "Fletcher's Challenge"  
><strong>**Album: Flatliners**

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><p>"Come on Fletcher! Move it!"<p>

"Valkyrie, calm down! I'm not moving from this bathroom until I'm done and you know it!"

"It doesn't take two hours to do your hair! It doesn't take me two hours to do my hair, hell, it doesn't even take me two minutes!"

A brief moment of silence, and then Fletcher, in a hurt voice, "There's no need for hurtful words, Val. And besides," he started up again, "what makes you think that I've been doing my hair for the past two hours? I could've been doing something completely different and you wouldn't have been able to tell the difference!"

An awkward silence ensues…

"Um..."

"I WAS DOING MY HAIR, I SWEAR! MY HAIR AND NOTHING ELSE! I SWEAR!"

"Okay, then..."

"Just my hair."

"Gotcha."

"Hair. Nothing else."

"Yeah, I heard." Valkyrie responded, sighing.

"Good." She heard him breathe an audible sigh of relief and rolled her eyes. "If all you've been doing is your hair, why are you taking so long!"

"Well, your hair isn't a work of art," Fletcher responded, and she heard him squirt a hair gel bottle, "Your hair is blah! BLAH I TELL YOU, BLAH! YOUR. HAIR. IS. BLAH." He said, squirting out some more gel on each word. He continued, "My hair on the other hand, is an artifact. Something to preserve for future generations. In the future, my great-grandkids won't ask about their great-grandpa Fletcher Renn, but about their idol, the one with the great hair." Valkyrie could almost see him staring out into space, swelling up with pride. "In the future," he said, louder than before, "kids in schools all around the world will draw pictures, depicting their favorite hero, and I'll be on every sheet, standing tall and standing proud, with my beautiful locks flowing in the wind. 'Why did you choose him?' their teacher will ask. And them, full of pride will announce that they chose me, me of all people, because..." he got quieter, "because of his hair."

Valkyrie, who had zoned out for most of this, leaned against the door and heard something dripping. "Fletcher," she called out, "are you holding the gel bottle upside down while it's open?"

"Wha-? OH JEEZUS IT'S EVERY-WOAH!" She heard a thud, then a huge squirt. A few seconds pass and then a meek "No..."

Valkyrie was leaning against the door laughing when Skulduggery came up. "May I inquire as to what you are laughing about?" Valkyrie could only dangle her hand in the general direction of the door. He got the idea and tried the door, but finding it locked, broke it down.

They were not ready at all for what they saw next. Valkyrie collapsed on the floor in hysterics, and Skulduggery took off his hat and sighed. Fletcher was doing his hair, all right. He had apparently slipped, and now was jellin' up his hair with his shirt wet with the stuff, back up against the tub, and one foot inside the toilet. He looked up at the disruption and sighed. "I'm doing my hair here!" he chided, perturbed at having to stop. Seeing that they were not going to stop laughing - or in Skulduggery's case, shaking his head – he explained. "Ok, so I was talking to Val and then I realized that the bottle was dripping and I stepped back but I slipped but I couldn't let my beautiful hair go to waste so I started to do it on the ground when I realized my foot was stuck so now I can't get up. Ok?"

They still couldn't breathe because they – both of them now – were laughing so hard.

Fletcher rolled his eyes. "Help me up?"

"Why don't you just teleport?" Valkyrie asked when she got her breath back. Fletcher looked at her like she was stupid for a second, and then stuck his tongue out. The next second and he was standing next to her, pant leg dripping wet. Valkyrie chuckled, and turned as if to kiss him, but grabbed the bottle of hair gel. "I'll just take this!" she said as she ran away.

Skulduggery sighed and trudged after them as he heard, "VALKYRIE CAIN, YOU GIVE THAT BACK! YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH THAT MEANS TO ME! FINE! FINE! YOU ASKED FOR IT! I SHALL NOW BRING FORTH…THE WRATH OF THE FLETCH-BOT! YYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Later, at a Skulduggery-formed group meeting, he brought this incident up. "Fletcher," he said, sitting down, "I know you don't want to hear this, and that this will be hard for you, but you need to stop touching your hair. At all." Valkyrie burst out laughing at the happy- to- sad- in-less –than-half –a- second Fletcher.

"What?" He managed to choke out. "Take away my pride and joy?"

"Only your hair gel," Skulduggery corrected.

"My baby?" He squeaked. "You want to take away my baby?"

"Yep!"

"But-but-y …. !"

And then he passed out.

**The Morning After**

"Fletcher, you don't need 4 hours in the bathroom for your hair!"

"Well, I'm sorry, VALKYRIE," he spat out the name in disgust, "but since I don't have anything to keep it together, I'm just going to have to brush it, and brush it, and brush it, and brush it, and brush it, until it's how I want."

Valkyrie groaned in frustration as Fletcher continued to brush. "I'll get you for this," she muttered under her breath.

**That Night**

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZ! Another clump of hair fell to the floor. And another, and another, and another, and another. "I'm sorry, Fletcher," Valkyrie said to the sleeping Fletcher, "but if you're going to take away my time in the bathroom, I'm just going to have to keep shaving, and shaving, and shaving, and shaving until I get it right…"

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><p><strong>A.N. – Sorry the ending was so bad, I was rushing since I only had about 20 minutes to upload it. My dad shuts off the internet at night. It bugs the heck outta me! Anyway, I hope you liked the ending, and I hope you review, seeing how I have none at the time I am writing this. Reviews really motivate me, and I want to be motivated enough to make this longer than 500 chapters. So please review, it makes me feel good, and have a nice day!<strong>


	3. It Comes With A Pool

**A.N. – Here is the next installment, just a short drabble, hopefully funny. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't anything…not even the books…**

**Title – It Comes With A Pool**

**Album – Dinosaurs…like I said, GREAT soundtrack!**

Skulduggery shook his head and chased after Valkyrie. "Why don't you want to?"

Valkyrie spun around quickly and glared at him. "Oh, I don't know, Skulduggery," she spat at him, "Maybe, just maybe, it's because I don't want to move to a house halfway around the world, never see my family again, just so that we can spread our 'legacy' – as you so self-conceitedly put it – and be closer the 'the action'!"

Skulduggery cocked his head at this. "I thought you liked fighting and saving people…" he mused, voice laced with bafflement.

"I do, it's just that I have a family – that I love – here, and that I don't know what I'd do without them, and Tanith and Ghastly wouldn't be able to see us, and I'd feel so alone…" At this point she started crying. "I – I just don't want to, o – okay?" She sniffed as Skulduggery slowly trudged out the door, head hanging low. As he was leaving the room, he mentioned something, almost as an afterthought.

"It comes with a pool."

He had barely said this when Valkyrie raced upstairs, came back down in exactly 15.4 seconds with all her stuff, and was pushing Skulduggery out the door. "What are we waiting for, then? Let's go!"

**A.N. – Harsh, I know. But I kinda like it, sorry it was so short….I hope you thought it was a little bit funny…ok! I really, really, love the next chapter that I'm going to put up; it's called "Across the Desert". Hee hee. It should be up sometime tomorrow or tonight, depending on when I feel like it. Sorry if this seems rushed, I did it at my school's 30 minute STP. As always, thanks for reading, and please take a few moments to review! Thanks!**


	4. Across The Desert

**A.N. – Whoo! Two in one day, aren't you lucky? Say yes. Thank you. Anyways, this is part one of two, longer than the previous one, though most of it is Fletcher talking. Enjoy!**

**Title – Across The Desert**

**Album – Dinosaur…you should listen to this album, mainly this song, it's my favorite one!**

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><p>"Hey Valkyrie, come here, I wanna show you something!"<p>

"What, Fletcher? I just got out of the shower!"

"Come here!"

"Whaaaat?"

"Just come here and I'll show you!"

"Fine…but it better be worth it…" Valkyrie grumbled as she wrapped a towel around herself and stepped out of the bathroom. Fletcher was standing in the hallway, anxiously shifting from foot to foot. When he saw Valkyrie, he grabbed her hand, and made as if to pull her towards something. But instead, he teleported them.

"Surprise!" he shouted as they reached their destination.

"Fletcher," Valkyrie calmly said.

"Yes?"

"You just teleported us." She remarked.

"That I did," he boasted proudly.

"While I was in a towel."

"Yeah…"

"INTO THE MIDDLE OF THE FRICKIN DESERT!"

Fletcher looked around for the first time. "Oh…" he said in a smaller voice. "That I did…"

"Take me home, take me home RIGHT NOW!" Valkyrie commanded, grabbing his hand. Fletcher closed his eyes, scrunched up his face, and suddenly opened them. "Ok, we're here."

"No, we're not."

"…oh, well then I'll just be…" And he broke out into a run, screaming back to Valkyrie, who happened to be chasing him, "DON'T KILL ME I'M SORRY IT'S NOT MY FAULT OH GOD HELP ME MY TELPORTING IS MALFUNCTIONING YOU GOTTA BELIEVE ME VAL I DIN'T MEAN TO TAKE US HERE I MEANT TO GO TO HAWAAI WHERE IT'S WARM AND SUNNY WELL I GUESS IT'S WARM AND SUNNY HERE BUT THE WAY THAT YOUR FACE IS TWISTED INTO AN UGLY SHAPE MAKES ME THINK THAT YOU'D RATHER BE IN HAWAAI WHEN I SAID UGLY SHAPE I DIDN'T MEAN UNGLY PER SAY JUST THAT YOU LOOKED ANGRY I MEAN YOU'RE A REALLY BEAUTIFUL PERSON VAL EVEN IF YOU LOOK LIKE YOU WANT TO MURDER ME BUT YOU GOTTA BELIEVE ME VAL I WANTED TO TAKE US TO HAWAAI BUT SOMETHING WENT WRONG AND WE ENDED UP HERE AND WHEN I TRIED TO TAKE US BACK IT DIDN'T WORK IT'S NOT MY FAULT I'M SORRY HEY I KNOW LET'S LIE DOWN PEACEFULLY AND GET A TAN I LIKE THAT IDEA OH G – OOMMPHH!" At this point Valkyrie caught up to him and tackled him to the ground. They wrestled for a bit before ending up with Valkyrie straddling Fletcher from behind and shoving his face into the ground.

"Take. Me. Home…Now!" She said, shoving his face harder each time. "I'm in my towel, why'd you teleport us you scumbag, take me home, take me home, take me home," she kept muttering, glaring daggers at Fletcher's newly grown hair.

When she finally let him up, he looked at her and said two words that made Valkyrie boil with rage at the stupidity of her soon – to – be ex – boyfriend.

"We're stuck."

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><p><strong>A.N. – dun Dun DUUUUUNNNN! Don't you just love cliffhangers? Yeah, you know you do! This chapter I will be for sure finishing, once I see what song I get. My first chapter, Finding Water, the amazing Mademise Morte has made me realize that I should probably finish it. Thanks for the reviews I've got thus far, and please make more, it makes me feel very happy and that my writing is worth it! Like I said, 500 chapters, IT CAN BE DONE! Thanks again, and please review!<strong>


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